Tuesday, 13 April 2010

A fresh start.

This will hopefully be the start of me blogging again. I finally feel up to it. I finally feel like I have a life to share with the outside world.

I wont pretend the last 2 months haven't sucked. They have. But life does move on, particularly if you make it move on.

Good things:
I'm still running. Usually about 10-15 miles a week. And all miles are sub 9min now. Quite a break through. Almost all are in the gym though, this is v bad and I have to get back outside; it does so much more good for the psyche.

I got a flat. It was all very quick. But I think it's going to be an incredible home. It's large, not overlooked, and right on the park - so gold dog will be very happy. It needs a lot of work so I probably wont be moving for a few months, but that's ok. Change is manageable in steps. And adjustments that large should be handled with care for all concerned.

I'm still appreciating my friends more than I ever thought possible. I'm also learning that calling people is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being sociable. And so far, it feels pretty great. (Friends may think otherwise, but I'm trying to rotate them all!)

Using the gym as displacement activity is a healthy solution. It could have been booze.

I kicked my coffee habit, and my food addiction simultaneously. No habits left, except running. Feels weird. but good. Feels like control.

I love doing my ceramics course. I keep making unweildy or ugly things, but it's such fantastic fun to just keep making things. Also there's a bizarre bond about having the focus of making things, and chatting too.

The break-up - now to be referred to as TBU had one positive outcome. I lost loads of weight. This might be why all miles are now sub 9. But I'm being very careful not to let any creep back. If I maintain this for a while maybe I'll even get down to a healthy weight... less than 14lb to go!

I feel like I'm becoming my own person again. I didn't even know I'd lost me, but I think I had. It's interesting to wait and see who I'll be now.

It's strange after so long to be single. It's not a feeling I've ever had as an adult, but maybe now is the right time for me. I still have moments when I think this is so crushing I can't quite bear it. But those moments grow fewer. Now I try to keep my head up, facing forwards, looking on. I'm not going to try and critically asses the last 10 years of my life. They were what they were. Sometimes things just 'are'; trying to put a spin on it in retrospect wont help me now.

There will be worse moments to come. But I'm going to hold onto this up swing and see where it takes me. I hope there are still a few readers out there who'll come with me. It might finally get a bit more interesting. ;-)